(RNS) — I wash lifeless our bodies in my free time. With 70 different Muslim girls, I volunteer to carry out the final Islamic rites, a collective obligation. Somebody should fulfill this responsibility, in any other case, we are going to all be held to account by God.
Mosques supply instruction on the right way to conduct these practices. “Why are you right here?” the teacher requested us.
“With all of the conflict happening and seeing so many lifeless folks, demise is extra on my radar. I need to be ready,” a woman responded.
I signed up after my 3-year-old daughter, Meryem, was tragically killed in a collision with a truck two years in the past. I wished to confront demise. my destroyed minivan, I refused to simply accept that devastation and chaos have been the top of my story. I wished to chart out that means and sweetness within the midst of the ugly. I not solely wished to outlive this tragedy, however develop and thrive.
I started to course of my ache on my podcast, launching a sequence on going through mortality. An instructional, I organized a school seminar and taught an open class.
Now, demise reveals up with regularity. Virtually each week the funeral dwelling sends out a message asking for assist. It jogs my memory of Turkey, the place my mother and father grew up, the place information of latest deaths is introduced on the mosque. Everybody can attend the service. Strolling by way of Istanbul, I go cemeteries and greet the folks of the grave, as inspired by Prophet Muhammad.
In a world that provides few areas to interact this inevitable actuality, these efforts have been transformative. God is the one, declares the Quran, “Who created demise and life to be able to take a look at which of you is finest in deeds. And He’s the Almighty, All-Forgiving.”
Therefore, mortality by design brings out the most effective in us. By default, it can’t be random or meaningless. Fairly the alternative. It has life-giving classes to convey.
Demise is totally built-in into the material of conventional Muslim societies. The native municipality covers the prices and gives burial house. Mosques supply instruction in funeral rites. It’s a collective duty.
Demise treats everybody the identical. “Each soul will style demise,” says the Quran. Nonetheless, each individual dies in their very own method. Some deaths really feel extra painful than others. I consider the lady buried subsequent to my daughter. A French trainer, additionally Meryem, she was brutally murdered; her dismembered physique couldn’t be totally recovered. Is it unusual that I really feel gratitude understanding that my little one was not killed by malicious intent and that her physique was fully intact?
Cemeteries have additionally turn out to be battlegrounds for Islamophobes. My son, who died earlier, rests right here too. I’m wondering if it might make a distinction to them understanding that half of the cemetery honors the our bodies of youngsters.
Earlier than I go away for the funeral dwelling, I take my ritual ablution. A logo of non secular purification, it prepares you to be in the suitable mind-set. I used to be a bit nervous earlier than my first go to. What’s going to the lifeless physique appear like?
Muslim funeral providers happen shortly after demise. To delay the burial is reprehensible. The souls lengthy to be reunited with the creator. Six volunteers are wanted. Inside 5 minutes of the announcement of a lady’s demise, many ladies stepped up. No hesitation, no excuses. We might be there and honor her, a stranger, our sister in Islam. I’m in awe of those girls who selflessly reply to the decision.
I’m grateful that Islam has not outsourced this obligation, however empowers its followers by granting excessive non secular rewards. Those that carry out them hope to realize God’s love. The custom espouses photo voltaic in addition to “lunar spirituality” — the sunshine and the darkish. Each are wanted for progress and maturity. Nearness to God is attained by being in these uncomfortable areas.
Grief feels much less lonely with those that perceive the language of loss. I’m comforted to be in a spot that embraces the human being as an entire: pleasure and sorrow, ache and pleasure, the darkish and the sunshine. Just like the seasons in creation, all modifications are mandatory for all times to thrive. I welcome all of them.
My involvement can be an act of gratitude towards my neighborhood, which has supported my household and me. Social connection is important to maintain ourselves, particularly in occasions of anguish. After we huddle collectively, the ache softens.
Seeing the lifeless physique wrapped in a giant black plastic bag mendacity on the desk makes me really feel terror. Pondering that my valuable Meryem was put in a freezing, darkish morgue — alone, with nobody on her aspect — makes me scream inside. No heat bunny blankie round her that saved her harmless physique cozy. Tears are pouring. Demise is absolute horror. Merciless and disgraceful.
“Would you want to inform me about your sister?” I requested the household who joined us. Persons are grateful to share in regards to the lives that enriched their very own. She was a 57-year-old girl who died of issues after surgical procedure. How younger, I believed. Demise doesn’t care about age or aspirations. It didn’t care that I had invested my finest self into my daughter. Demise can’t be negotiated nor escaped. Demise is decreed by God alone, whatever the circumstances. “When their specified time arrives, they can not delay it for a single hour nor can they carry it ahead,” the Quran says.
I really feel consolation in addition to misery acknowledging this truth. To know {that a} larger energy with the most effective sense of judgment is in final cost of my finish offers me peace.
The girl’s sisters don’t converse a lot, nor shed tears. The environment is quiet and somber. I’m wondering about their relationships. Did they depart on good phrases? I hope I reconcile early sufficient with these I’ve harm. I promise myself to say “I’m sorry,” “Forgive me,” “I like you” and “Thanks” extra typically.
The physique is a sacred belief. Muslims consider the spirit of the deceased remains to be alive, observing us intently. We be sure that the water is on the very best temperature to maintain her snug. Modesty applies even to the lifeless physique, and we maintain her coated and decrease our gaze as we wash her gently. We comb, braid her hair and apply perfume. Lastly, we shrouded her with 5 items of white sheet and put her white headband on.
Each time we end, I’m amazed by the expression of reduction on their faces. They give the impression of being so stunning, as if they’re saying, “Thanks for making ready me for my assembly with my Lord.”
Can a faith that preserves the dignity of the deceased be a risk to society? On this room, we transcend racial, ethnic, nationwide, social and political boundaries. Demise is a shared human expertise. “Certainly, we belong to God, and certainly to Him is our return,” with no exceptions, because the Quran stresses. Migration is a part of our non secular DNA, as a lot as we need to deny it. Nobody could make an absolute declare on assets, territories, wealth and family members. “Be on this world like a stranger or a traveler,” goes a prophetic paradigm.
One other prophetic maxim says, “Bear in mind demise typically — the destroyer of pleasures.” And destroy it does. However the Quran proclaims, “Every little thing will perish besides His Face. All authority belongs to Him. And to Him you can be returned.” Hope emerges. Every little thing that’s accomplished in his title will final. As long as my considering, feeling and doing is for God, nothing is really ever misplaced, wasted or forgotten. What’s for eternity will turn out to be everlasting.
Demise shouldn’t be glorified in Islam, neither is it prevented. The strategy is one in every of realism. Worry of demise is intrinsic to human nature and life-preserving. Too little of it results in heedlessness, an excessive amount of of it’s debilitating. “Although the physicality of demise destroys us, the concept of demise could save us,” notes the psychiatrist Irvin D. Yalom.
In accepting the agonizing fact of my mortality, I turn out to be extra acutely aware of my restricted time on this earth. I exploit my assets and God-given skills extra properly. Or, within the phrases of Imam Ali, “Lead such a life, that, while you die, the folks could mourn you, and when you are alive they lengthy on your firm.”
On the gravesite of my daughter, I perceive what supreme goodness seems like. It’s to reside a life with all of your family members. No separation, no heartache. Immortality is the final word craving. I arrive at a easy, existential human understanding that this isn’t the top of the human story. I go searching me.
Spring has arrived once more, and as promised within the Quran, “Look, then, on the imprints of God’s mercy, how He restores the earth to life after demise: this similar God is the one who will return folks to life after death- He has energy over all issues.”
Zeyneb Sayılgan. (Picture by Chris Hartlove)
Progress is going on, even at nighttime, chilly, lengthy winter night time. Sluggish, regular, persistent. I really feel resurrected. I return to the world with life-giving classes, gratefully acquired from the lifeless.
(Zeyneb Sayılgan, a Muslim scholar on the Institute for Islamic, Christian and Jewish Research in Baltimore, is the host of “On Being Muslim: Knowledge From the Risale-i Nur.” The views expressed on this commentary don’t essentially replicate these of Faith Information Service.)
